what day is it and did you see me today?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
