Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
