NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
