Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize