I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
