wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
