There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
