He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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