she was so not down for the gang bang
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
