Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
