I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
