I wish I could teleport
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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