it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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