he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
