you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
