i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
