Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?

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(586): View more from Michigan

Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.

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(240): View more from Maryland

Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating

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(239): View more from Florida

I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...

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(314): View more from Missouri

Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.

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(817): View more from Texas

I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children

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(704): View more from North Carolina

You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me

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