Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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