Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
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If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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