He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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