I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
