Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
