If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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