just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
