if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
