ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
