I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
