I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
