She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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