Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
