i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
