Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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