I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
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Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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