I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Randomize
