Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
