Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
