Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
