I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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