I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
