We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
