he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
