oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
