k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize