I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
