how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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