dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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