I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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