upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
