i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
