whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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