So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
