That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
