we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so let's talk penis.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
