we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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