The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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