Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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