So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
