She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
