if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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