is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
