i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
