mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
