worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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