and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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