i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
