in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
