Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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