i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
