I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My cat gives me a boner
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
