Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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