Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
