Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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