Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
