I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
