What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
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Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
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Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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