Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
