if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
