Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
