i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
